messages

Bergen: Mom! Mom! Come and look what I wrote for you!

Me: Mad... mama...?

Bergen: Yeah, you are one mad mama. Isn't that cool?

I had two 'messages' from Bergen last week. The first message was sent via Cheez-it crackers. The Scrabble Cheez-it's to be exact. The kiddos are o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d. with them. Ingrid because she *loves* Cheez-its. Annika because she is at that stage where language is exploding and is beginning to connect the dots between letters and words. And Bergen because he loves to take a bunch of letters to see what he can spell... (more of a Boggle then a Scrabble, but anyway....). But as soon as I saw "madmama" I panicked.

Oh boy, he wrote 'mad'. I immediately thought about all the times I have failed as a mom and acted out of a place of anger when I should have acted out of a place of understanding/patience/compassion. I started to wonder if that is how my kids viewed me and if they felt like all I was, was MAD. Deep down I knew Bergen wouldn't write a message telling me that .... and I told myself I was being crazy for thinking more of it then it really was. But I felt like it was a sign. Those orange Cheez-its felt as if they were an orange DANGER sign. Spelling out for me that my worst fear was, in fact, coming true... I was failing as a mom.

The second message was in response to a note I left for Bergen on a rare, rare day when I was not there for the kids when they woke. One morning last week I had a 7am dentist appointment and wasn't too sure I would be back in time to hug Bergen before school so I wrote him a message (and a good thing I did because I didn't get home before he left) ...

and got the sweetest message back. Only days after I had received the first one. And instead of feeling that panic I felt with the first one, I felt so proud to be his (and Annika's and Ingrid's....) mom.

So I decided to interpret "madmama" as the urban dictionary would:

• mad: "a lot " or "extremely"
• mom (mama): The woman who loves you unconditionally, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else

So, that is right. I AM one mad mama. Thank you Bergen for pointing that out.

xoxo, the blad pad