a happy father indeed

At our father's day breakfast this morning I thought it would be fun for all of us, or at least those of us that can talk, to say what we love most about our Dad. Bergen went first and after thinking for a few seconds he said, "playing in the pool with Uncle Nels". Once Lars and I had a good laugh with him about his answer, Bergen got a very serious look on his face and asked Lars, "now Dad, tell us what you love most about Mommy". Instead I requested that Lars tell us what he loves most about being a Dad. . . and as you can imagine the list was long.

As the four of us sat around the table, Lars and I couldn't help but comment on how happy and blessed we feel. Since starting our pursuit to parenthood almost 5 years ago, there has been underlying sadness of our struggle to become pregnant and from our miscarriages. That isn't to say we didn't experience happiness or joy over those years, but in all honesty they were hard.

The parenthood dream doesn't always comes easy and sadly sometimes it does not come at all. We always say a silent prayer come every Mothers or Fathers Day for those that are pursuing the dream of parenthood year after year but always falling short. I am attaching an editorial piece Lars submitted to our local papers last June. . . just another example of why we are so blessed to have this loving, caring and supportive Dad in our lives.

On the third Sunday of June we pause to celebrate the men in our lives who have successfully achieved fatherhood. We find just the right greeting card and debate the countless gift options to best honor the parenting skills of the recipient. What young man doesn’t expect that he, should he choose to, will join the ranks of feted fathers in the years ahead?

On this Father’s Day, I’d like to challenge my fellow Minnesotans to think about how our community can best honor and support those men desperately seeking to gain entrance into the realm of fatherhood but who have thus far been unsuccessful in their quest. You undoubtedly – but most likely unknowingly – see these men every day in your workplace, religious community, favorite coffee shop, and, perhaps, at your own family gatherings.

These men may have a medical condition that inhibits their ability to provide the necessary physiological components to produce a successful pregnancy, or they may be men married or committed to a partner with her own medical impediment. They also could be pinching pennies to save the money necessary to begin an adoption or artificial reproductive technology procedure.

Regardless of the cause, these individuals all are battling a silent but pervasive medical condition called infertility. Infertility is a disease or condition that results in the abnormal function of the reproductive system, which results in the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse (or 6 months for a woman over 35 years of age), or the inability to carry a pregnancy to live birth. It affects men and women equally. In approximately 40% of cases; it is the female partner who carries the diagnosis and 40% of the time, it is the male partner. The remaining 20% of cases are attributed to a joint diagnosis or unexplained causes.

According to the CDC, there were 7.3 million Americans diagnosed as infertile in 2002. That represents one in eight couples of childbearing age. This number has increased by 20% since the last count of 6.1 million in 1995.

Men in particular face an isolating and solitary journey to fatherhood as they deal with infertility issues. The SPERRM (Society to Promote and Enhance Reproductive Rights for Men) Project serves as an anonymous e-support network for men dealing with infertility issues. If you, your spouse or partner, or a friend seek a network of other men who’ve dealt with or are facing the uphill battle to become a father, please email me at thesperrmproject@yahoo.com.

More than 6 million American families will suffer from infertility at some point in their reproductive lives, yet fewer than 1 in 4 employer-based insurance plans include any coverage for infertility treatment. While federally mandated coverage currently does not exist, 15 states offer some type of employer-mandated coverage, including Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, and West Virginia. Minnesota is not among them.

During the time that my wife and I pursued infertility treatments, we were fortunate to receive some degree of coverage from my employer. While we have been blessed with two natural successful pregnancies, this glimpse into the incredible financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual tolls exacted on those dealing with infertility has forever changed our lives and the lives of our family and friends who supported us.

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) plans to introduce the "Family Building Act of 2007", to require coverage for the treatment of infertility. As with every complex public policy, there are supporters and opponents to the idea of expanding services to and resources for those individuals and medical providers seeking to help build families through infertility treatment or adoption.

It is an issue that won’t be resolved quickly or without discussion by all stakeholders – doctors, employers, insurers, and patients – but I’m hopeful that in a state that prides itself on the value of strong families, world-class medical products and services, and public policy innovation we can help lead the way in addressing this issue for the thousands of Minnesotans and millions of Americans seeking to become fathers.

In the interim, you can support aspiring fathers (and mothers) by becoming involved with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association’s Midwest Chapter, at http://www.midwest.resolve.org/,

In closing, to those fathers being honored, father well.

And to those men still striving to join them, strength and honor to
you.